Love life then love will come
2008-06-18 - 0:40 a.m.

"So how do you feel now rock? Being engaged?"

Waqar had asked me on the email, my only connection to my best friend in DC.

Ahhh.. DC

I wanted to write an entry about my engagement but oh well, you know how i got tied up with other things. No No, i'm just plain lazy to type it all up here actually. You need to think twice if you're writing up something truthful about yourself. I don't really like it having to reveal much about my personal life. But sometimes, it does feel nice sharing it up here. That's the reason i disabled previous links on my entry.

So, the day i came back from the engagement, i went straight to my friend's house and i did felt a bit freaking-ly weird having two rings on my finger, the risik gold ring which i did not expect it at all and the other shining white gold. Both were bought by him with his parents. I don't want to go and buy it with him. I want to look at it like a surprise. Old-fashion works for me better. Plus, i found it rather value-added on event like this.

So what 's the feeling of it? At that time, when i was sitting with them watching TV, i felt as if i don't belong to the group anymore. The single and free group, you know what i mean? It's like somethings grabbing you by the finger and having you warned for every action out of the boundary. Don't laugh at me. I have been very very very independent all these years and having someone to take care of you officially did stirred your private life a bit. Once Zaza said to me when we were in campus, having our normal morning roti canai, going to class by my sporty bike,

"Man, can't live with them, can't live without them.."

Sometimes we both wonder how couples who were 24 hours together cope to each other. Don't they get bored? Really. I mean, if they are going to get married eventually, aren't they going to have to spend their lifetime together? Dude, lifetime, doesn't that alone sound like eternal? And thats why the beauty of Islam forbids you on occasions like that. Yet, i sometimes still fail.. I admit. I believe life has a lot to offer than having the same people revolve around you. Having said that, the life that you live, makes you.. you.

It took me a while about how i was feeling, and then one fine day when i took off my ring, there this funny feeling.. If you watch Scrub, (If you don't, go watch then) when JD saw this beautiful flower girl, he asked,

"Where have you been all this while? I passed by every morning here but i never see you"

"Thats because i have a ring on my finger. I am invisible to you. Now that i don't, you see me."

You got what i mean? So when there's no ring, i felt free! Like i can do whatever i want! There's no string attached! Ok ok a bit melodrama here.. But it's the truth. Now, that Im okay, Im getting use to it. Still, there's a lot of secrets that i keep to myself. Not until I'm officially his, what not to be told, might need to be then. Just a portion of it enough to justify the loyalty between us.

I hope i will still be a part of the old me when i'm no longer single. I know that i cannot much be in touch to some of the nice people in my life. But they were the one who were there when i was lost and hopeless. They are a credit to my life. These people hold a special place in my heart, and i hope i can still keep in touch with them.

So my two bestfriends are going to get married in some months next to each other. And I do'a too for the rest. Love insyaAllah will come, when you stop knocking. Even if you did not, then love wants you to learn to love life first. So live life my friends..

Like i have live mine.

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